For those of you too lazy to figure out what the plot of the
Decemberists’ new album is for yourself, here is the story as I
discerned it from finally reading the liner notes:
Margaret: I’m a pretty girl!
William:
I’m a handsome boy and I <3’s Mags very much, but my mom’s all like,
turned me into a deer during the day or something. Yeah, weird crap. I
don’t really know how that works out.
Margaret: Me either, honestly. Well, I <3 you anyways Prince Bambilliam! *deer-snog*
Queen:
I am Bill’s possessive mother/witch/queen! I made him who he is today,
and he goes and makes out with that hussy? Listen to yo’ mama and quit
hittin that thing!
William: Awww, do I gotta?
Queen: YUS. >:O
Rake: Oh ho ho, I am the nasty children-killing villain, here to make out with some ladies! Oh ho ho, art thou a lady?
Margaret: What?
Rake: WAH WAH WAH!
Margaret: Oh, snaps.
William: WTFOMGRAKE?!
Rake: Tee hee! SCAMPER!
Queen:
O hai there Rake. I see that you got that annoying girl I hate slung
over your horse. Have I mentioned I hate her cause she took my son,
whom I’m creepily attached to, away from me? How about I magically fly
you over this massive crazy river so you can have your way with her and
my son will obviously come running back to me, his mother, who turned
him into a deer, and totally not go after the hot chick?
Rake: Giggidy giggidy! *fly! fly! land!* Ok, now’s time for my most awesome evil monologue, mkay?
Margaret: What you say?!
Ghosts of Dead Children: ‘Sup, Pops. You murdered us in brutal and terrifying ways, so we is comin’ back to haunt joo!
Rake:
Crap, I knew I shouldn’t have killed those guys. I better…go…do
something else. Forget this tramp. Deer kissing is creepy anyway. Okbai!
Margaret: I’m free I’m free! I’m…Hey, a really big river. Bummer.
William, on the other side: I know, right?
Margaret: Hmm.
William: Canoe?
Margaret: Can-what now?
William: NM. Let’s swim for it, Little White Dove…I mean, Margaret. It’s only a raging river. What could possibly go wrong?
Margaret: Mos def.
And so they swim, suck face and drown. Soooo sad.
So I guess…drowning in a river is one of the many hazards of love. Who knew?
And now you know. Good job.
Comments (5)
Wow! That was pretty good. A couple things seemed off about the whole rake situation. He didn't just kill kids. He killed HIS kids. He got married and she started "spilling out babies"! "Only then did I reckon my curse" Then he goes in detail how each one died or how he killed them. It's so intense. But good with the William and Margaret story. Everyone has such shitty views on things but I agree with yours a lot!
william and margaret don't just jump into the crazy river. william asks it chill out so he can cross to get to margaret. and to get it to chill out he promises that after he gets margaret, he would come back and die in it. that's why they die together in the river.
Oh ha ha ha ha! We saw them do this last night at the Merriweather Post in Maryland. Now I'm looking for a plot summary to stick in my blog. My question is, how exactly did the dead children get their nasty daddy to let Margaret go? We were hoping to see them pull him down into the Annan River, but it's still a mystery.
Anyway, thanks for this hilarious summary!Lookfar04@hotmail.com
That's hilarious! I just bought the album today and this seems spot on.
I was laughing my head off. My family stared.
best explanation ever. I'd give props but i dont have this xanga thing.
awesomeness nonetheless.