Saturday, 21 February 2009

• Currently Memoirs of a Mangy Lover By Groucho Marx see related

  How Fleetly Flies Optimism in the Face of a Broken Heart

  So much of my life has been spent (I won't say wasted quite yet) falling in love/like/lust with people who will never ever love me back. So in the course of time, I've learned to quelch crushes, stifle friendships, nip any signs or hints of interest the moment he backs away, or says something, or gives any sort of clue that "he's just not that into me." I've learned to spot those things because I know that's all it will ever be, because that's all it ever has been; I like a guy, but it is never reciprocated. Learning to take that step back first is so important because it is far easier than hearing the words, "I'm sorry, but..." fall from those lips that you've admired from a far and finding out that after all the hope, you aren't anything to him. That's the hardest hammer that I'll never have swung at my heart if I can help it.
  
  And so I'm nobody's dream girl, it seems. At least, not yet. But at nearly 24, that seems a long time to exist without at least one person having the delusion that, perhaps, I'd be someone they'd like to dream about---and yet, no one has. Well, okay, one did. I assume he thought I was the one for him. I knew from the beginning it wasn't going to work. I tried, but I just couldn't be what he wanted and he couldn't be what I needed, whatever that is. Which is why he's dating my best friend now. And I'm still here, fawning over someone who will never NEVER be mine. He might as well be a movie star or a picture in a book for all the chance that we'll be together. But still, the feelings remain.
  The human heart is kind of retarded that way.
  

  Either way, it'd be so much easier going about my day if I didn't feel the way I did about him without knowing whether I should keep my distance...
  

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